Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Saga of Dickless Rifle

GSNHOF isn't just about finding the greatest names in sports history for your reading pleasure. We're also about weeding out the names that sound too good to be true - because often times they are, and we like to keep things factual as possible. Because if the GSNHOF is anything, it's a credible, valid site that constantly worries about things like integrity and respect. Or something.

We were naturally pretty skeptical when we first heard about Dickless Rifle. That's right, Dickless Rifle. If a real name, no question he'd be ushered into the hall faster than Usain Bolt brushes his teeth. But something seemed fishy here - not quite how does Macaulay Culkin get a girl like Mila Kunis fishy, but along those lines. And so we at GSNHOF had to get to the bottom of this before allowing Dickless a spot in our HOF.

Now, the guy who originally posted about Dickless admitted that the name sounded too awesome to be real, as his original post reads,

"It should be noted that I looked for secondary confirmation of the existence of Dickless Riffle. However, all I was able to find was another website that had essentially just copy/pasted the Wikipedia table for the 1938 draft. So I’m trusting Wikipedia that Dickless Riffle is not just someone’s idea of a joke inconspicuously slipped into a random draft chart from the Early Era of the NFL, found only because of freak sports bloggers who research this stuff at 12:30 in the morning."

Skepticism is fine, but that wasn't good enough for the GSNHOF: We had to know the truth. So we scoured for the gritty details, left no stone unturned, and performed an intense
googlesearch for the results of the 1933 NFL Draft. And those results were...quite saddening.

With pick 12 of the second round, Philly picked Dick Riffle. Dickless Rifle is a funny play on that, but it isn't the guys real name (I mean, who really thought it would be? Okay I did for a second). Dick played 5 years for the Eagles and Steelers, making the Pro Bowl once as a fullback for the latter team. He even played some QB, though not very well as he had 3 career touchdowns versus 15 career interceptions. All in all, a decent career for a 1940's fullback. But a sad story when you consider how truly awesome his nickname could have been.

Sorry to any of you who shed a tear upon discovering that Dickless wasn't the guy's real name. Revealing the impostors among great names isn't an easy job, but someone has to do it.

Also, thanks goes to GSNHOF's ever faithful reader Matt, who pointed this name out to me. Couldn't have known the truth without knowing the name, and knowledge is power!

And finally, for card lovers that haven't commented yet, my first ever card giveaway is up and running! Come join in the fun!


  1. Dude, you never fail to make me laugh!

  2. My bad on the wannabee name. Nice research skills though. I'll have to tell someone in my FF league to change their team name now. Or at least take off the "less"

  3. haha no worries dude. Like I said, knowledge is power. I'd rather have known Dickless Rifle and been let down than never discovered Dickless Rifle at all.